Gary

Everybody knows somebody with a lawn gnome. Sometimes it's even you.

Several years ago, my uncle gave my sister a lawn gnome.  He's a little eccentric, and thought she'd like it.  She did not.  She finds gnomes creep and weird, they way they just stare....  So she puts it on the top shelf in her pantry, to avoid his gaze, in case the uncle ever returned asking where the gnome might be.

Not long afterwards, my aunt was ill and was hospitalized in Halifax.  She wasn't able to get out over Christmas, so some friends took her shopping for my sister and I while they were there visiting.  On their return home, I got a phone call to "come get the Christmas gifts she'd bought" from her friend.  So over I go, loaded up everything (it was all wrapped), and noticed an oddly-shaped bag.  "What's that?" says me.  "It's a garden gnome for your sister, she loves them."   Pause.  "MY sister?" Apparently my aunt had noticed the gnome perched on the pantry shelf and thought to herself:  "Ah, she collects gnomes!"

As soon as I got on the road with the gaggle of gifts, I called my sister, laughing my guts out.  "Guess what you're effin getting for Christmas?" I squealed.  "A garden gnome, and not just ANY garden gnome.... this on has a solar panel so it will light up ALL NIGHT!!"   My sister was not even remotely amused.  "Shit.  Why did she buy me that??"  "Apparently you LOVE them.  HHAAAHAAHAAHAAAA!!!"

Months went by, and the story of this dastardly gnome grew.   To the point where my sister's friend named him Gary, and started to refer to him like he was a real inhabitant of my sisters house.  Since my sister was single, it made perfect sense.  People started calling to ask if Gary was home.  He was invited on outings, and in March of that next year, he went bowling and out to eat for my sister's birthday.  We all thought it was hilarious, my sister pretended to be embarrassed, but deep, deep, deep down, she enjoyed Gary.

Then in the Spring of 2011, "Gnomeo and Juliet" (animated in 3D) was released, and Gary expressed an interest in going in his own quiet way.  So, my sister and I, my niece and my 5 year old son made plans.  Then my sister overhears my niece tell her friend about how "Auntie wants to take Armondo to the movies."  My sister was baffled so asked who "Armondo" was.  "Mom.  I said OUR LAWN GNOME."  Shit, we laughed, and thereafter Gary had a last name.  Gary Armondo.  (For future reference, it helps when you talk about an inanimate object if they have a last name.)

Gary did go to the movies, wore his 3D glasses, and enjoyed a kid's pack - at least we think he did.  He's really making strides to get out more and at this point he has more friends on FB than I do.

Facebook.  Interesting to say the least.  Gary joined, and began making comments on life, his surrounds, etc, but shockingly was NOT the first garden gnome to have a profile on FB.  Not even close.  And apparently they've all worked at Travelocity.

Of course.