Sisters

To say my sister and I not get along when we were kids is an understatement.  She tried to set fire to my hair with a lighter when she was 3 (she still claims I'm making this up),  I locked her out of the house on numerous occasions.... you see how this is going.

So, by the time I was 18 and she was 15, we barely spoke.  One summer afternoon, she was sitting outside on our deck, slathering vegetable oil on herself to get a tan.  Yes, we actually did that in the 80's.

(Quick side note:  my sister is fair-skinned and blond.  She does not tan, she burns and peels.  Over and over.  That's it.  NEVER any tanning, despite her desire to tan.  This is one of those situations where parents err in telling their kids they can be whatever they want.)

I had just bought the most recent edition of Cosmo magazine and thought I'd have some fun.  Dad hadn't cut the grass yet, or rather dandelions, so 90% of the back yard was covered in yellow weeds.

So there she was, sitting on the deck, marinating in veggie oil, surrounded by dandelions.  How could I resist???

Out I went, with the Cosmo under my arm.

"You know," I said as bitchily (is that a word?) as I could.  "I don't know why you bother.  You're not going to tan with veggie oil."

"Fuck off."  The expected response.

"I just read in my Cosmo that fair-skinned people can only tan if they use natural stuff, like dandelions, Dumbass.  Good luck with the veggie oil!"

"Kiss it, would ya!  Go away!!"

Away I went.

Inside the house, I peeked out the kitchen window.  After a few minutes, she got up and casually walked down the couple of steps to the yard.  She started plucking the weeds, and rubbing them on her skin.

JACKPOT!!!

She came in the house a little later, and my mother almost killed me.  But it was worth it.  Her elbows and knees were stained for a week.