Touchdown

For my 40th birthday, I went to the Dominican Republic with my sister and four friends.  The first full day we were there, we went to the required "welcome" session at the all-inclusive resort and heard about the excursions available, how to make a dinner reservation, where to get towels, etc.  Towards the end, the staff person mentioned that there is a "drink special" every day, and that day's special was a pina colada. All our drinks on the resort were free, but he wanted to mention this because pina coladas contain coconut milk. He warned us that drinking too many of those might cause a person to spend an exorbitant amount of time in the bathroom.

This was particularly interesting to me because I have constipation issues that seem to be worse when I travel. I was already uncomfortable that first full day, so I made a mental note to drink as many pina coladas that day as possible.  My sister, on the other hand, has IBS so she steered clear of the pina coladas. We were rooming together so I warned her of my plan.

During the day, my sister had quite a bit to drink.  We got back to our room very late and crashed. I woke up at 8:00 am or so (having kids forces your internal clock to wake you up even when you'd like to sleep in). There was a rumbling in my tummy.  In the darkened room, I quietly got up and went to the bathroom hoping not to trip on something and wake her since she is a very light sleeper.

The pina coladas had worked! I was so happy that I would not be bound up for the entire trip!

As I quietly came out of the bathroom, and slowly headed to the bed to lay down.  In the darkness, I heard my sister's raspy voice:  Touchdown?

I stopped mid-stride in the dark and replied:  TOUCHDOWN!!!

Her:  Yeah, I heard you in there.

Me: ….oh buddy, I'm sorry.  That's no fun.

Her:  No, no, it's fine. I just wanted to make sure that was you. The noise woke me up and I wanted to make sure I hadn't shit the bed.

Me:  WHAT?  LOL!!! OMG!!!

Her:  (Still not laughing)  Are you done?

Me:  (Still laughing) Um, yes.

Her:  Good. Move out of the way!!

She ran for the bathroom and I was left there… laughing hysterically.