Snip, snip!

My hubby and I have four kids, and it was time for the conversation on who was going to permanently look after making sure we were completely done.  I thought he should have to go get snipped because I'd had several c-sections, and he'd really gotten off scott-free.  He was hesitant until I said I really wouldn't mind one more kid.  He made the appointment that week.

The "surgery" day rolled around, and I offered to go with him, but he insisted it was not a big deal, and he could go himself.  So, I dropped him off and went home to wait for the call to pick him up, which came several hours later.

Out he came from the hospital, walking like he'd been riding a horse for days - which I have to say, made me giggle.  All that was missing was his 10 gallon hat.  And a sprig of straw in his mouth.

He got in the van, and off we went.  He told me about the other patients that day.  One guy was there with his wife, but sat facing away from her, and wouldn't speak to her.  Another guy started to panic.  My hubby claims the doc told him he was a superstar because he came alone, and no faint spells.

I asked some questions, and then the rest of the story came out.

When Hubby arrived, a nurse took him to a room he can only describe as a janitor's closet... it had a big sink with wheeled bucket and mop in the corner.  The nurse asked him to disrobe and apply some numbing cream to his freshly-shaved testicles (that's what you're supposed to do), and apply a clear bandage over the cream to keep it in place.  Left alone with this tube, he got undressed, squeezed every bit of cream out, slathered it on, rubbed it in good, applied the clear bandage and sat down to wait.

This went on for several minutes, with nothing to do, so he decided to read the label on this tube of mystery cream.  He was horrified to read that the cream should NOT be rubbed in!  Shit, he thought, now what?  He waited a while for the nurse to come back, and panic had set in.  He tried - unsuccessfully - to peel the clear bandage back off and possibly squeeze a teeny bit of the cream out to add to what was already on, but to no avail.  All that accomplished was that his testicles were wrinkled up from the bandage sticking to itself.  And he could FEEL what he was doing.  Clearly this wasn't right.

Finally, the nurse came back, and Hubby anxiously asked, "Um, is this all I get?"

The nurse was puzzled.  "All what?"

"How can I be responsible for applying this stuff?  I rubbed, and it says on the label not to rub...  Will I feel the cuts now, because I didn't do this right???"

She giggled, and assured Hubby that the cream was meant to numb in anticipation of a needle, it was not he ONLY numbing that he would get before the surgery.

Oh, to have been a fly on the wall during those 10 minutes when he thought that's all he was getting for pain.