Teehee

My friend/co-worker and I used to walk up the street from our office building to the mall to go to Shoppers Drug Mart on a very regular basis.  Daily, actually.  She liked her Pepsi, it was like a crack addiction, only worse.  She could afford it.

We would often be waited on by the same cashier, a guy who would joke with us, often asking "Where the other one was" if either of us dared approach the check-out area alone.  To which I would screech, "Dear, are you coming to pay for your pop?" and she would try to pretend I wasn't talking to her.

One day, we walked up to the register, and my friend was asked by this cashier if she'd like a bag for her bag of chips, to which she responded, "Yes."  Who the hell takes a bag for a little bag of chips??

"I wouldn't give her one, "  I whispered loudly, "She's just going to fill it up with other stuff on her way out!"

My friend was horrified, because she'd told me long ago that she'd been caught shoplifting as a teen the one time she tried it, egged on by a friend who had gotten away with it countless times.  She was still embarrassed about it as an adult, and when I implied that she might "lift" some stuff from Shoppers, her jaw dropped.

"OMG, don't say that!"  she hissed.  "He might think you mean it!"

"Well, I do.  Really, you only got caught that one time, got knows how many times you actually did it."

Her face turned to stone, her eyes bulged out.  "That is NOT funny."

The cashier was in hysterics at this point, mostly from my friends reaction.

I kept going.

"Listen," I said, "If you don't stop making such a scene, you're sleeping on the couch tonight."

Stunned, horrified silence from my friend, as the cashier giggled.

"I am married!!" she said, sticking out her hand to the cashier as some sort of proof.

"Yes, sure you are."  Her eyes bulged to the point of plopping out on her cheeks, as some customers came and got in the line behind us.

I couldn't resist.  "C'mon, Muffin, we can have this fight outside."

She had no idea what to do, so followed me, complaining the whole time the cashier might actually think we were gay.

Whatev.  :)