The Office Poop, Part Deux

For whatever reason, the office poop remains a difficult office topic.  Case in point:

I refuse to use anything but the handicap washroom at work, for several reasons.

Reason #1:

There is a co-worker that seemed to always be in the loo when I was, which, to be honest, I tried to avoid at all costs.   This one day, I went in, checked the shoes in Stall 1, felt confident that it was not the undesirable co-worker, and went into Stall 2 (there are only 2 stalls).  As I'm hovering there (I never sit in public restrooms) and began to piddle, I hear from the other side of the metal divider.

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle..... pffffffffffft.... tinkle, tinkle.

Now, I don't know about you, but have you ever considered the situation you are in when you pee with your naked arse 12 inches from another, divided only by a metal half-wall?  Add in the fact that I find it impossible to stop mid-stream - NOT a good scene.

So there I am, squatting over the toilet, breathing in co-worker fart, praying to be done and make my escape.  Then it hits me:  What if we both come out of our stalls at the same time?  Fawk.  I manage to be done first, wash my hands quickly, and exit before she even finishes up her business.

Reason # 2

I make the mistake again of misjudging the shoes and enter to pee.  No noise is coming from the other stall, so I hover to begin my pee.  Mid-way through, I hear, "Huaaaahahhhhhh."  It wasn't really loud or anything, but it could not be mistaken for anything but someone straining out a poop.

Reason #3:

The same co-worker was in the loo, and left as I was entering.  Confident that she would not need to go again in the short period it would take me to pee, I decided to risk it.  As I enter the stall and begin my hovering ritual, I notice what I initially think is a leaf on the tile.  Leaning in a little closer, I realize that no, no, it is not a leaf, but rather a small dabble of SHIT that someone has left there on the floor for the next occupant.  SHIT.  Do you understand how gross that is?  I mean, had she turned around to admire her work, and another little tidbit snuck out?  Efff.

I wipe, wash my hands and exit immediately, swearing off the office toilets.  Well, except for the handicap one.  At least I'm in there alone.